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LONG BORING POST ALERT!

It has been more than one month since I came here for study. A lots of things changed after I came, I can't do anything about it but just follow the flow. My thinking towards everything now are way different from the past, yes, you can even say that I've changed myself or maybe grown up. I remembered how wavering I was on the day I came to China, XiaMen.. I kept on thinking that MAYBE, MAYBE I should just go back to Brunei or Malaysia for my University, because China is so far, so far that I suddenly scared of my future. Yet, I also non-stop telling myself that I am the one who made this choice, and there's no U-turn! 

At first I faced a lot of problems, I couldn't ride bicycle(Yes, laugh as loud as you can, but remember I can ride now), campus is too far from hostel, didn't have friends to help me. Then I met them, those Thailand friends who are really helpful, and willing to help me everything. It's really hard if we have no friends overseas. :/ We just knew each other for only 1 or 2 weeks, and they even celebrated my birthday for me, I couldn't be more thankful towards them, because we are all lonely here overseas, leaving our family and old friends and koibito. 

I always miss my high school life here, everything I do, I will always think "If only who-who-who is here, then things will be more funny...etc.." I can't forget my high school classmates, also it's one of my biggest regret that Year11B'2012 didn't have more cooperated in the past.. However I am not homesick all the time, only when I'm alone and have nothing to do then I will homesick (LOLWTF), because University life have too many club activities and school works need to complete! So there's no time for me to be sad and homesick. 

After awhile, I enjoy cycling alone, eating alone and maybe shopping alone. Maybe just that I am tired of wearing a mask everywhere and I need some space to be myself but somehow there's no place for me to do so. Having a lot of friends doesn't mean you won't feel lonely anymore. Sometime being alone is really good too.

Sometimes I do feel hopeless and really lonely here, but I forced myself to be positive as there are people who wait for me in Brunei/Malaysia. I can't let them down! So I tried my best to complete everything here, except that I might skip classes sometime HAHAHAHAHA! I want to be more mature yet I reluctant to throw away my chlidlike innocence. 我想更成熟一些，却不愿放弃童真。

有时候成长不是一种选择，而是无可奈何的。当我们学会了再难过，再愤怒也能没心没肺地笑时，其实就是在把我们身上的刺一根一根的除去，或者磨平…让自己能都更融入社会、人群。我想或许我没变，只是成熟了……

For those who read until here, thank you for caring me. (or maybe you are just bored?) We might not be contacting each other now, but you guys are always in my heart, I can never forget you guys/girls. :) We are all working hard for our future, keep it up and never give up! :) I am really sorry that for some who find me, but I didn't reply or VERY late reply, because of my signal and sometime I'm really busy! >_< When I have time, like today, I will update my blog with more special things! :D